i Am bad son; i Am bad brother.

Mr. Leonard assigned the class to write a prayer to God and that was it. It did not matter how long or in what format: it was from us and it was for and to God.
And when i got home, i Had no idea what to say. So, i Didn't say much; i Made my god Santa Clause.
It went something like this:

To whomever this may concern;

I want...

1. a theophany
2. not to wallow in ignorance
   
3. a cure for my ingratefulness
4. satisfaction

Amen.

That was a definate then.

i Remember yesterday night, the hockey stick drama that i would never gander the courage to even dream about... That ferocious woman who simply had enough of my me, my antics, my pride, my arrogance... my inability to submit to her and as i've said to people and person my reaction to such a thought was and is a wrong one: i smile.
It was just surreal, you know?
And i was not about to face that wrath and temperment head on, so i walked away. i Walked away and at first reaction was head to the lights, the towers, to head to them again for one last time before i leave.
But something inside me told me that if i went back there it would not be the same. i Would go when it felt right, when impulse took over, just like my first going.
So in its stead i sat underneath a stop sign and watched the lights from afar. i Stared so hard that my eyes played tricks on me, making the middle tower fade in and out of my vision. It was scenic and therapeutic. i Was becoming less angry and more attritional.
This was ping pong between the careful and the careless, the mediator being the pure intended diety of Care, and the sphere being passed two and fro a bombshell of despair. In this game, no one knows how to win. i Was thinking this: i was lost, yet in the perfect of happenstances i saw a shooting star.
The shooting star completely voided my mind. It liberated me. It was no longer about it making sense, about the grander scheme to be skewed for it could be screwed in my brain. No, no... it was about me fitting into it. i Closed my eyes. i Made my wish.
i Got up and as i was walking home i said something like this:

Thanks God. i Would tell you about what but you should already know that.

i'M sorry, God, and i would tell you about what but you should already know that.

But yeah, God, here's to fixin it.

i Found happiness in her and its spectacular and i have to leave it.

Goddamnit, God.

Let it be.