life: you're welcome you fat ugly thing

i only seem to notice absences,
now

in those moments of time
where there is less than divine

and it happens, yeah
it happens! say what you will
but honestly i'd prefer if you'd
say nothing--it's my turn

regardless of the fact that,
yes!, everything, indeed is

holy, somehow--

i'll find the wording for it
later--

listen life doesn't suck
i can say that much
right now

this morning my eyes got watery
but i didn't cry

fuck that

i gave some manic yelp to god
to get people to like people

i like people
i find them very interesting

but i grow impatient
and arrogant
and trite

goddamn politick
goddamn wars
goddamn soul crisis
goddamn health care
goddamn ants

did you know there is a super colony of ants
spanning the globe and
they don't fucking fight each other?

i haven't killed an ant since i read that article
i saw them crawl on my bathroom floor
i wish i could be happy for them but
i'm just resentful

goddamn ants

last night i whimpered
'there is so much dischord'
in the kitchen
of my friends house

i think only one person heard me
she chuckled

i guess it was a joke

everyone was asking for so many inane things
like passwords to wifi networks and the location of the tonic
i knew where the tonic was but

i wanted to solve everything,
bless my heart--
then i got overwhelmed and
wanted to solve anything--

got angry and
got drunk!

sebastian told me i was a mess so
i slapped him upside the head before he said that
and i'll be honest i'm a little sorry

i guess i'll just admit now that
sometimes i feel like i'm delusional
it keeps me entertained though
as i sputter inane vagueries
to lovely people
that care enough
to listen

i appreciate that, you guys--
so i guess my question is why
can't i fall asleep smiling
at all the people who do listen
rather than just lay horrified at
everyone who don't?

i can't charm the whole world,
right?

might as well try but
fuck

everything outside my windows
is so goddamn depressing--
but i'm not depressed i swear
but i mean
its gray
and windy
and awful

fuck that

can i be honest?
i don't really want today,
right now

today is fat and ugly and boring
right now
i wish everyone
and everything

could just be holy--
you know that harmonious
bleeding heart harangue that
i give too often

i wish i could just stop getting emotional
about how we should just fucking
get along and just see

a goddamn unicorn riding on the back
of the sweetest dragon, extending an invitation
to sexy sanctimony land

where everything's alright

until then i hope to be the most human being
and get as many people to wonder what the fuck
i am even talking about
and accidentally throw good friends on mattresses
to have them incidentally hit their record players
and almost have a concussion

but listen maybe i won't say sorry
maybe i'll say you're welcome

yeah,
you're welcome
you son of a bitch world
i'm fucking trying over here
you're welcome

AND I WON'T EVEN STOP TRYING
you're welcome you fat ugly thing