affixed eyes beyond the apocalypse

my eyes have been affixed
affixed
affixed

to smouldering remains
of persons, places, selves

i struggled to become disembodied
as to have nothing more to lose,

invincible and free and meaningless,
but instead i became obsessed

walking forward backwards for
I could never take my eyes off of Tragedy.

I was to finally understand.

i put my frightened hands firmly
around the neck of joy

and shushed it quietly
I was to finally understand.

i was content
to never let go

joy turned blue
until everything turned black

i read somewhere that
the universe craves conscious involvement

like a little child
looking for a playmate

but i, in my curious lament,
do not answer the door

but i'm coming, now,
just a second, now

everything that has happened
will always be a part of me

but it cannot consume me--
and I'll never understand

and such un-understandings
will always be a part of me

although I have took my paces away from tragedy
i could never escape her empty gaze

i know, now
i know that feeling

and i'll never know what to say.

it is time, now, yes, it is time,
to turn my back to her completely

paying such humble reverence and explaining
"There is more to life than you, my dear,

more to life than you."