for sean madden

we wandered off everywhere, avoiding the kids our age.
and they were drinking, and they were fucking,--the faint
hedonic thuds of pied piper bass swayed boys and girls and
connived the wanton loss of virginities on beer stained sofas
and twin sized beds, as we walked further from such
malady, sharing your first joint--resolving that such things
were not for us

while fantasizing otherwise

we took the san diego trolley far away from our fears,
leaving them to grow more intimidating. but we, in
sojourn for some content shape of acceptance, wandered
endlessly through a city that knew no one's name. and
we sat amongst ships and sails and business men walking
steadfast, stern in agenda. and we wandered to the sky
scrapers and stumbled through the dark alleys of parked
shopping carts and piss. and laughed at all our ideas and
never acted on any.

you had a girl who broke your heart through text messages
in but a mere160 characters. and i watched you try, try again,
and i resented you for being stupid and human. and i gave
you your first ecstasy pills, in an attempt of teenage therapy,
which never worked--your hard head never letting yourself
feel anything more than being in debt to someone, or another.

and we did 2c-i for the first time, together--making
ludicrous sounds with park bench percussion waiting
for that trolley that took us everywhere we needed
to hide. and we hid together, daydreaming escape plans
from our own concocted prisons

but now, with the time that has passed,
and we going our separate ways--
are we free?