and in death,
josue,
you became a super star
an emerald blaze reminder that
we, too, can die
so lets put you on a t-shirt

in loving memory...

death--yours--just
forced me to understand
why i can't love myself and
why i speak in such frail voices
to the loudness of night

because its coming
because it came
because it left
with no fucking explanation
and i can't do shit
cause the end of us
has no etiquette

i didn't think anything triumphant
when i saw your face--
fatigued, feign--
those final days,
the retrospective
countdown:
your eyes restless
and horrified,
mirroring mine in
awkward absolution

my compassion lied flat on the rails
awaiting the impeding doom

and those eyes,
eyes that
screamed
"forgive me,
father, i know
not what i do,"

i could not help but
recant
recant
recant

savior, distant savior,
why not just
one more parlor trick?
why leave him
to his woeful collision
on Sunny Ave?

i was ready
you were ready
i pretended i was ready
were you ready?

in death, you're a mega star
a deterant to the
joy of weddings
and the nuance joy of
unborn children

i'm sure your brother would
rather have
you back
instead